Dreams V

For whatever reason, my dreams of late have been fleeting, few, and far between. My mind has been in overdrive though, so perhaps that has something to do with it. I’ve not been going to bed at decent times and my diet is all over the place. Hopefully I can find some semblance of routine again soon, because I think it really creates a good mental environment for dreaming.

Something I meant to detail in a previous post is a strange phenomenon I observed in one of my interim waking moments. I took to time to write it down, just as I had done with dreams I had that same night, but I left it out. When I awoke from a dream, I continued to see geometric shapes in a quick slideshow-like underlay to my vision. I got up to get some water and would close my eyes and I could see the patterns vividly. When I would open my eyes again, the patterns were still there, just beyond my vision, still changing in the same rhythm. The most normal of the shapes was a triangle.

I attempt to meditate infrequently, but when I do I try to let my mind and vision meet in stasis at the center of my mind’s eye. I’ve done this since I was a child, never really realizing what i was doing, or figuring out how to use it to meditate. I begin my breathing exercises and close my eyes. Inevitably, I begin to see waves of colors and shapes converging into a blue shape—my plastic blue cube, I’ve come to see it as.

I can picture and feel myself inside this cube sometimes, other times I am outside it, but focusing on it inside my mind brings me to the state of meditation that I am pursuing. Oftentimes as I am coming out of my meditative state, geometric patterns begin to converge on the cube from my inner periphery. They can seem very detailed and in sharp focus.

The patterns I saw when I woke from my dreams the other night were very similar. The strange thing was the patterns seemed more like hieroglyphics, cave paintings. They were more crude and imperfect than the sharp exact shapes of my meditation.

I don’t know what this means, if anything, but the parallel is interesting.

BRIEFLY, THE FERTILITY GODDESS, AND OLD WOUNDS

These two bits did not occur in the same night, but I’m combining them for sake of brevity.

I suppose at some point we all have sexually-charged dreams. Some people are quick to point fingers and accuse sexual dreams with people from waking life of being a indication of hidden desire for that activity to happen. I don’t buy it.

If your mind can conjure up xenomorphs that can cook omelets, and giraffe-faced politicians that swallow buildings, it can definitely conjure up rando sex from just as much nothing.

Sex with a female in my dreams never really takes place with an actual person so much as with a sexual entity of the female persuasion. Yes, faces of real people may dance on the head of this entity, but it the end, the act and the entity are both featureless and benign.

In this particular dream, the interaction began with someone I knew, descended quickly to that person sucking on my big toe, much to my discomfort, and then there being two identical faceless entities sucking on my toes. The act of sex never occurred, but the aura of the situation was definitely of a sexual nature. I woke up before anything further happened.

The night following that, I had dream set in the house of the parents of a former friend of mine. That friend and I have had a falling out, and I’m sure his parents hold some grudge about me, but I continue to have dreams about their house.

The dream version of their house is slightly different, and it’s located in a different part of the pseudo-version of my hometown than it actually sits. I always recognize the house when I’m in it, and I always feel an immediate sense of guilt and shame while there, whether his parents are there or not.

In this brief dream I was getting something from their refrigerator, but the door didn’t open. Instead, the entire fridge pulled away from the wall and kept rolling across the kitchen into the living room where I was shocked to see my ex friend’s father in a recliner reading a newspaper. The fridge collided with him, crushing him.

It was then that I noticed there was a party going on in their house, and it was full of the parents’ friends.

I was terrified, and immediately awoke.

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