I have a problem.
I can’t just do things.
A lot of us have this problem, but intrinsically, it’s different for all of us—it’s unique.
It has taken me probably thirty years of struggle to finally realize and accept that I am a horrible, horrible perfectionist.
Not only that, I’ve also realized and accepted that my one greatest fear in the world is making a mistake.
I overanalyze everything. I script out everything. I run scenarios in my head of every possible thing I could say to this man that just wants to know what my drink order is, and as he stands there waiting, I imagine that to pick the wrong thing might lead to a series of events that doesn’t end with me and the girl I didn’t really get a good look at because I was afraid she would see me not seeing her but you know now that I thinkofitIthinkIrememberherfromthattimeIpassedoutatthatIrishguysplace leaving together arm in arm discussing Story of the Eye and how much we both like Giallo films of the 60s and 70s.
….. so I definitely shouldn’t order a Rusty Nail.
Life is fucking random. I need a routine.
A few weeks back I decided I was finally going to start working on the massive magnum opus of my life, this great … huge……. project of random stuff that I think is exactly the sort of thing I’ve always felt I had the ability to complete before I die. And fortune and glory, etc.
Part of that project is The Routine. I might have blogged about it previously.
I’ll tell you what it is as I go along. Nothing would piss me off more than to write out a series of events and then they not happen. So, we’ll take small steps and I’ll debrief you as components of this Master Plan of mine are completed.
Starting on Monday of this week, I began rising from bed at 0500.
I started taking my allotted 15 minutes break at work and used it to walk around, or just sit outside and breathe.
I stopped eating without purpose, and now limit myself to minimal intake of food and intermittent fasting.
I have been lifting weights for 3 of the last four days, with a final workout planned for tomorrow, which if completed puts me back in a fitness routine on par with what I had been doing at the gym before the pandemic.
I have been completing and getting ahead on assignments for school, and taking copious notes for my Systems Analysis and Design class.
These achievements are all part of a routine that I am building for myself and integrating with an app that I will begin writing in conjunction with assignments and projects for these last few classes of my degree.
I’ll take the basic classes and objects and translate the app for use at my job to help us be more efficient and manage data better.
I hope to chronicle all of this here and share my experiences with you, whoever you are.
And Routine is great. I thrive on routine, but I need randomness, too. And THAT is what really gets me excited about this project. I can’t even begin to share details with you yet because it’ll be so much better after I set things up because you’ll read it and be like wow, and I’ll then I’ll tease you with letter I got about the project from Ca—fuck, I’m doing it again.
Let me rephrase all that I’ve just said, because I feel like maybe if I say it this way, it might seem like maybe there has been a secret pattern in what I’ve been saying that reveals information that just might lead you to this room underneath this one bar in Austin where you have to say a word to this guy in a 18th Century Naval Commander’s uniform that’s going to open the door, and there you’ll be let into the private event hall that connects to the room through this long tunnel that runs under several of the building to this secret amphitheater where a special screening of a tiny portion of this massive project that is going to kill me will be commencing…
Random shit’s about to happen.