Back when it mattered, back when corporations could still lie to your face and politicians weren’t the subservient eunuchs they’ve thankfully become, there was a bit of copypasta making the rounds that really drove home what advocates of gun control had been trying to get across to the rest of the world. It went something like this:

If you were to give a supporter of the second amendment a choice between owning a possibly lethal weapon and a device that can render a living thing unconscious for ten minutes, the majority of those people would pick the lethal gun.

At the time, this was a relevant point to make because Ulysses Personal Security had just perfected their first commercially available stun weapon, the Time-Out. The progressives loved this thing, and it immediately gave them what they believed was the be-all and end-all to the gun violence problem that, at the time, was still ridiculously a major issue across the globe and in the colonies.

Here was this solution to the self-defense defense of most second amendment defenders. It worked up close and even far away when using the projectile version that could be every bit as accurate as a bullet fired from a sniper rifle. Why would you want a gun that could kill someone, end their life forever and ever, or at the very least injure them, inflict pain, and scar them, when you could simply give them a blast from a Time-Out, and wait for the authorities to handle the situation in a fair, judicial manner preserving the person’s rights and ensuring that justice was properly served?

Well, the progressives decided to push this idea that people that want lethal guns want those lethal guns because they want to kill, and therefore are all intrinsically evil people. While this didn’t sit well with any of the gun owners at the time, it gave the voters something to think about. Suddenly, “Thou shalt not kill” was resounding a little bit louder in the ears of most religious peoples across the globe. Suddenly, the first resistance to the changeover began to create some poignant visuals for the populace to mull over. Police began raiding and destroying arsenals using the very non-lethal weapons that were going to solve the gun violence issue once and for all, and people were starting to think about what they believed in instead of listening to other people tell them what they should believe in.

In 2073, when thirty anarchic terrorists held three hundred and twelve innocent parents and children at the Weinstein Memorial Children’s Film Festival in Denver, Colorado, all it took was one blast from the SWAT version of the Time-Out, and a video of the aftermath captured by drone to convince most of America that it was time for guns to go the way of the disposable camera. Thirty terrorists neutralized, three hundred and twelve human lives saved, zero bullets fired. Every single one of those terrorists had their day in court, and every single one of those terrorists spent the rest of their lives in prison. None of them got a free ticket out of responsibility for their actions with a quick bullet to the temple.

Pretty soon after the personal version of the Time-Out started showing up in people’s hands, you began to see an uptick in the number of potential rapists caught in the act, potential robbers reduced to piss-stained mannequins, and nutjobs with assault rifles in towers counting sheep as innocents below went about their business.

The progressives had a win, but it was short-lived. In 2082, a man under the influence of certain corrupt and deplorable agents of the largest gun manufacturer in the world, was hired to handle security at the United Nations Global Rights Summit on Lethal Weapons and rigged the entire assembly forum with enough non-lethal security measures to mannequin every attendee in five seconds. What no one realized is that this particular individual had a prototype shield that nullified the effect of the non-lethal technology all security forces across the globe had begun to adopt.

To the world’s horror, this individual waited until the assembly was in full swing, then neutralized everyone, saving himself, live on global video feeds. He then produced a simple handgun and methodically went to each attendee and executed them. Every time a group of security officials and guardsmen tried to enter the building, they were hit by a stun blast outside the main assembly and neutralized. He got through one hundred and fifty-six attendees before they were able to take him down, ironically with a rifle that someone miraculously produced from thin air.  The Presidents and Prime Ministers of twenty-two countries were murdered, dozens of high-ranking diplomats from across the globe gunned down, and innocent aides and translators killed right before the eyes of hundreds of millions of people.

It took eight years to sort out that the gun manufacturer mentioned earlier had blackmailed that poor sap into carrying out the single worst act of terror carried out by an individual ever. (Ulysses Personal Security is not affiliated with Ulysses Arms and Defense)†

Within a month of the attack, we were back to where we started. People wanted guns to defend themselves against people with non-lethal weapon nullifiers. No one really noticed that that same gun manufacturer had begun to market the very shield the gunman had used to nullify the Time-Out technology. (Ulysses Personal Security is not affiliated with Ulysses Arms and Defense)†

It wasn’t until a rival gun manufacturer, unable to match the pace of the others decided to take things in a different direction. They developed a nano-shield that not only could nullify the Time-Out technology, but could also stop a bullet and could minimize the damage caused by explosion. This new breakthrough technology had potential use in every industry from security to spaceships.

The pendulum swings back, and suddenly guns didn’t matter anymore…

Until a rival created a plasma rifle that could penetrate a shield.

And here we are. What are YOU going to do about , Citizen?

When death comes knocking at your door to take your religious freedom, your children’s innocence, your wife’s loyalty, your guns and trophies and sports and gender identity away from you, what are you going to do?

When the sword comes at you, do you want a bigger sword, or a better shield?

Choosy Earthmen choose Ulysses’s New and Improved AEGIS-12 Personal Life Shield‡, guaranteed* to nullify sonic, conventional, and plasma weaponry – NOW with stable ARC-burst technology to throw a little something back at your attacker. Make sure he gets his when neutralize him in less than 2.6 seconds** after he fires at you. NEW TECHNOLOGY can even turn up to 37%*** of atomblade attacks.

And for all you hunters out there, Ulysses Personal Security is proud to announce that the AEGIS-12 represents the first model equipped with Insta-butcher nanotech that will seek-out, kill, skin, debone, butcher and seal any animal from our built-in catalog of over 40,000 individual species**** ***** ****** all built in to the very shield that will keep other hunters from frying your insides with a misplaced plasma round.

Pre-order now and get a free Ulysses Defense and Arms Atomblade Dagger*******!!!

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†Except in that Ulysses Personal Security and Ulysses Arms and Defense and subsidiaries of Ulysses Group.

‡Ulysses’s New and Improved AEGIS-12 Personal Life Shield is illegal to own, possess, or sell on colonies or orbital stations outside of Earth’s surface, and Denmark.

*Ulysses Personal Security, its parent company Ulysses Group, and all affiliates do not guarantee the effectiveness, usefulness, or necessity of any personal shield technology.

**Actual times and effectiveness may vary on environmental factors including but not limited to: temperatures exceeding -195.8° Celsius and below 15,700,000 Kelvin; the presence of oxygen, nitrogen, carbon dioxide, or Febreze within a closed area where the shield is activated; the presence of certain legumes within a 5-yard radius; the presence of goat manure or urine exceeding volumes of 0.567 litres.

***Ulysses Personal Shield technology WILL NOT stop an Atomblade. Atomblades are dangerous weapons and may cause some or all of the following symptoms/issues: Abortion, miscarriage or uterine hemorrhage; Addiction to many sedatives and analgesics; Birth defects ; Bleeding of the intestine; Cardiovascular disease; Deafness; Kidney failure; Death; Depression; Hepatic injury; Diabetes; Diarrhea; Erectile dysfunction; Fever; Glaucoma; Hair loss; Anemia; Headache; Hypertension; Flatulence; Insomnia; Lactic acidosis; Mania; Liver damage; Melasma and thrombosis; Priapism; Rhabdomyolysis; Seizures; Drowsiness; Stroke or Heart attack; Suicide; Tardive dyskinesia; and Genital Warts.

****Due to difference in size, weight, and positioning of the animal at any given time, some unwanted bone, cysts, necrotic tissue, and/or feces may be present in butchered pieces.

*****Meat butchered and sealed by Insta-butcher technology has not been evaluated by Global Federation Regulatory Forums as safe for consumption.

******The species Homo sapiens has been removed from catalogs in the following countries: Denmark.

*******Atomblades are dangerous weapons and may cause some or all of the following symptoms/issues: Abortion, miscarriage or uterine hemorrhage; Addiction to many sedatives and analgesics; Birth defects ; Bleeding of the intestine; Cardiovascular disease; Deafness; Kidney failure; Death; Depression; Hepatic injury; Diabetes; Diarrhea; Erectile dysfunction; Fever; Glaucoma; Hair loss; Anemia; Headache; Hypertension; Flatulence; Insomnia; Lactic acidosis; Mania; Liver damage; Melasma and thrombosis; Priapism; Rhabdomyolysis; Seizures; Drowsiness; Stroke or Heart attack; Suicide; Tardive dyskinesia; and Genital Warts.